Q & A with Darla Wilson and Natalie Tharraleos
Q. When you became homeless where did you go, and where did you find to be able to sleep?
A. In Beverley I found some sheds by Beverley Minster that belonged to the gardeners of the grounds and I slept one night in the ladies’ toilets of The Quaker people’s building, even though I wasn’t supposed to. A lady looked at me -and I think she just knew I was homeless, so she didn’t turf me out. I set off an alarm because I wasn’t aware of the motion detector, but managed to subdue the alarm myself before the police arrived.
In Bridlington I arrived in midwinter in the days before Covid, when McDonalds was open to sit in 24/7. I used to stay in there all night after finding there was no bed available for me after arriving as a rough sleeper. I just looked at a strange elderly lady sat there and queried “Can I stay with you?” She replied in the affirmative, so I did for 3 nights and she was wonderful, such kind and good company too.
In Scarborough I got no sleep whatsoever because the police sent me back out onto the town centre streets, on my own after midnight. So I travelled to York and got patchy sleep in the train station waiting rooms, on benches and in the bus shelter with wooden seats across the road. In Leeds it was firstly the train and bus stations benches, then later I laid down in a blanket or bag like many other rough sleepers outside a city centre McDonalds, where there were more CCTV cameras.
Q. What were the things you kept with you to help you survive?
A. A disposable cup or plastic bottle for free water refills, even if just out the tap, to rehydrate on the move. A sleeping bag or/and blankets and warm clothing were essential in Winter. A jacket with inside pockets to keep any mobiles and cash secure. A clean flannel, soap, toothbrush and sanitary protection.
A light bag or rucksack that can be combination locked to counteract theft.
Q. Did you meet other homeless women, and are homeless women able to help and support each other?
I had different homeless men approach me with offers of help and support but apart from brief conversation with women and observing their friendships with each other from a distance I never had their support. I’m sure homeless women can support each other very well.
Q. What particular challenges do women face if they are homeless?
A. Security and safety. I watched an All 4 TV documentary after being accommodated about homeless women, and noted from what one woman’s experience who spoke about often being treated and propositioned as a prostitute by some men when being a female rough sleeper, regardless of whether you are or not. I never became a prostitute, and resisted that path out of personal choice. I was aware and avoided attempts to traffic me. A woman on the streets at night can be very vulnerable prey to people in gang culture too
Q. Did you meet anyone who really made a difference to your life at this time?
A. Yes I met a few very memorable and kindly people who made a distinct positive impact to my life at the time.
Q. What gave you hope?
A. A positive, thankful mental attitude, My faith in God and the kindness of strangers.
Q. What were the hardest parts of this experience?
A. Scary long nights alone in physical discomfort, sleeping patchily on benches in Winter. Feeling vulnerable and alone because a stalker had followed me from Scarborough and was watching me when I was rough sleeping in the York train station area and looking to take advantage in conjunction with others in a gang. Knowing I wasn’t imagining this, but not being believed.
I felt unsupported on this issue when seeking accommodation as local services said there was no evidence of me being stalked. Temporary accommodation was denied because it was claimed I had made myself homeless deliberately. They did not inform me with the essential letter of why they had made that decision at the time. I only got this letter later with the aid of a homeless outreach worker because I was not made aware of the letter at that point. That was the hardest part of all.
Q. What advice/tips would you give to other women who find themselves in this position?
A. Be observant regarding other people and what’s going on locally. Be cynical when it comes to offers of help/food/accommodation from strangers because although there are genuinely kind people around, never ever get in a strange vehicle and take a trip with someone you don’t know even if you feel desperate for shelter. Find a different and more self-reliant solution. Never a lender nor a borrower be if you can.
Be aware of the risks of getting involved with any charming men who may come up to you telling you how beautiful you are and offering to buy you meals, give you money and somewhere to sleep and/or a relationship.
If you are in a strange town and unsure of where to go for local homeless resources or food bank parcels head for the nearest council community hub/library centre and make enquiries to the staff who may be able to offer provision, but if not will signpost you. These places are warm in Winter, sometimes with free hot drinks, and you can research what you can do about your homeless situation there, either online or by talking to the staff or finding other useful resources.
The Citizens Advice Bureau are also worth calling. Keep your eyes peeled for current posters on local church notice boards or supermarket notice boards with information on local provision and homeless relief. Buying a cheap train ticket gives you the shelter of a train station waiting room in the hardship of the night/early morning hours without being hassled by the security staff, and travelling on the train is safe warm/comfy/good for a nap. Bus trips can be helpful also to stay warm, safe and dry.
Q. What helped your situation change?
A. Homeless outreach workers found me and helped me get temporary accommodation. Then I helped myself change, and I still am. We are living in difficult times and the systems we are living under can sometimes be very unfair. We are all human and imperfect and we have difficult pasts and it’s ok to make mistakes, but we can all make excuses too. We can’t control other people’s actions much at the end of the day, We can only control our own. Human beings get to make choices every day but animals don’t ,so I don’t believe that being human is an excuse to behave badly.
Q. What organizations would you most recommend for support?
A. Change Grow Live (CGL) in Leeds, St Georges Crypt in Leeds and the Care Centre, colloquially known as Care Bears in York.
Q. What do readers most need to know when wanting to help, speak with or gift items any homeless women they may meet?
A. Please try to avoid awaking if asleep because sleep becomes a precious commodity when you are a rough sleeper. Be aware that homeless people may be very tired from lack of sleep or have drunk alcohol or taken drugs, often for medicinal purposes. Offers of bottles of water and food are usually good gift choices- it helps to ask the person what they’d like
Spare change is usually very much appreciated but not necessary. If you are a man and want to genuinely help a homeless woman explain your intentions clearly so you aren’t misunderstood, being aware that homeless women have to be extra careful on the streets in order to survive.
St George’s Crypt Great George St Leeds
East Side Story 